Dave’s Morning From Hell, 2016 Style

So… how’s your day going?

Here’s how mine started.

I awoke in a fog. No, not a hangover. I don’t drink. Well, not enough for that anyway. And no alcohol last night. The Blackhawks game was enough of a depressant. My eyes… my vision was blurry… was it pollen?

Uhhhhh, no.

Realized that I slept with my contact lenses in. My really old last pair of contact lenses that have to last until I get my @$$ in to see the eye doc.

Realized it after I rubbed my eyes furiously to get what I thought was the inordinate amount of goozh (yes, goozh… pronounce it as you see it) outta my eyes.

I rubbed and rubbed and rubbed. And how I didn’t rub the lenses right out of my eyes or tear them to shreds I’ll never know.

“It’s a miracle!”


There was some old commercial where an older lady said that line. Don’t even remember the product. And miracle was pronounced “MAR-a-cle.” As a matter of fact, the way I remember it, she said the sentence something like “Et’s a MARacle!”

That’s kinda like goozh, I guess.

(Should it be gooozh?? Hmm…)

(But I digress.)


So after unsuccessfully ripping the unsuspecting contact lenses from my eyes, I doused them with eye drops that specifically advise removing contact lenses before using.

Sweet.

Last pair.

Really old pair. And my glasses are worse. Truth.

Think it’s time for a trip to the optometrist? Yeah, I think so.

“Would be prudent,” to paraphrase Dana Carvey’s George Bush.

So after unsuccessfully ripping my eyes out, I proceeded to the kitchen to prepare breakfast for our little darlings.

 

Smoky. She’s really a lot more pleasant than this photo might otherwise suggest.

And of course, a trip downstairs for Smoky’s bowl. She’s the antisocial one. She keeps her distance from the other little darlings and eats alone.

Reaching for her bowl, I discovered Smoky had puked right next to her food dish.

Lovely.

While cleaning that up, I realized that she also puked in her bowl, on top of her leftover food.

Glad I noticed that before dumping it in with all the other leftover food.

Yes. Our cats eat leftovers.

So I took time to clean and disinfect her eating area.

Upstairs again to rinse out the bowls and toss some food in them. And race out the door. It was getting late.

Stepped over to the sink and dipped my toes in water.

That’s odd.

Was it pee?

Nope. Water.

Okay, I’ll wipe it up with a paper towel.

Put paper towel on floor. Paper towel is soaked through in milliseconds.

What the … ?!?

There’s a small lake on the floor.

Did the new dishwasher leak?? Don’t tell me…

Puddle only on the right side of the cabinet. Dry from the dishwasher. Hmm…

Open the cabinet, garbage disposal is leaking like a sieve. All over the already water-damaged floor of the cabinet. And draining onto the floor.

The kitchen floor....

The kitchen floor….

This day is starting well…

Old towel from the linen closet. Prop up a makeshift water basin under the sink.

I look at the clock. I should be walking out the door right now.

Sigh…

I usually listen to the daily readings and some other prayers while getting ready in the morning. It beats the trash on the radio. Yeah, I know… it’s more than that, but I don’t want you to think I’m some holy roller.

‘Cause I ain’t.

So I grab my phone (all that good stuff is on my phone) and notice that my low battery light is on.

Tornado narrowly missing Kirkland, Illinois last year.

Tornado narrowly missing Kirkland, Illinois last year.

What the … ?!?

I had the blasted thing plugged in all night! Or did I?

No. I swear I unplugged it when I got outta bed…

Well, anyway. The phone battery was pretty much dead.

All this before 4:30 this morning.

Oh. And today’s high temp? About 30 degrees colder than yesterday. Must be the start of another Cubs’ homestand.

But at least we dodged the severe weather.

And no tornadoes.

God never promised us it would be smooth sailing.

They stoned Paul and dragged him out of the city, supposing that he was dead.   –   Acts 14:20

 

My day was not that bad.

Of course, I’ve yet to return to the homestead and don my Mr. Fix It cap…

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11 Responses to Dave’s Morning From Hell, 2016 Style

  1. Know you previous morning posts, I had to check this one out. So much humor in your misery and the perfect quote at the end.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. DeeScribes says:

    It’s time for a gratitude list!
    1. You have a job.
    2. You have a home. Granted, it requires maintenance, but you have shelter.
    3. The cats have chosen to live with you. Because, let’s face it. You never really own a cat, you merely share living space.
    4. You got a blog post up on a challenging day!
    5. Only 5 months until pre-season hockey.
    6. You didn’t break your femur. Trust me – you don’t want to do that!

    Hope the rest of the day is smoother sailing.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Staci Troilo says:

    Mama said there’s be days like this, there’d be days like this Mama said.

    I’d sing it for you, but you’re already having a bad enough day.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Aww, c’mon, Staci! I’ve got the song stuck in my head now (just a little to the left of Rhinestone Cowboy — — DeeeeeeeScribes)…

      I’ll wait for the private YouTube link, Staci.

      Like

  4. Dave, we all have days like that. Sorry about the Hawks. You can adopt the Pens. Hope your days go smoother.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. […] already scraped the filthy, protein-rich (oh, and goozhy!) contacts off my eyeballs, so that chore was done. Cats were fed, although they were still protesting outside the castle […]

    Like

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