The Morning From Hell. All Before 6 AM. Semi-unedited.

Dear Diary,

I should be in bed right now. But I’ve gotta get this off my chest.

I didn’t ask for this. I really have been a good boy. Well… most of the time.

I’m not sure why I couldn’t fall asleep again after going potty at 3 this morning. I looked at the clock and was so happy that I still had an hour to sleep.

Back in bed, I couldn’t fall back asleep. Toss. Turn. Tried to focus on a few prayers. Mind wandered. No luck.

Radio on. 4 AM. Day begins.

Got out of bed resolved to get stuff done and hit the road on time. Snow yesterday. Roads likely snow covered. Morning travel likely slow. I need to leave the house by 5:30.

Bathroom for the “grooming preliminaries,”daily Mass readings, prayers.

Downstairs to do battle with the litter boxes. Keeping up with seven cats is no easy feat. Worked efficiently, sprang back upstairs to shower. Done and dressed by 5.  Time for KP duty, feed the cats, make my oatmeal. Running on time. Feeling good.

This is where things typically bog down a little. Kathy gets up around 5:15 and she needs to get around the kitchen, too. I’m confident things are under control and not worried that we will be tripping over each other this morning. Just tripping over the cats as soon as the bowls hit the floor.

Oatmeal started at 5:20. Doing fine. Cats fed by 5:25, bowls down. Start tripping over the little brats, try to finish up and get out the door without disturbing the little prima donnas.

Go get my coat. Whoops! Wait. It’s 2 below zero. I can’t wear my light jacket. I need my winter coat. It’s in my closet.

Hey! Where is it? I know it’s in here…

Can’t find it.

Five minutes later, I can’t find it. But here’s my old winter coat. Lining is tattered and falling apart. Pockets have holes in them. But it’s warm. It’ll have to do.

Grab my light jacket, too. Keys, wallet, etc. in the pockets. No time to empty them out. Should’ve done it last night. Forgot.

Now I’m late.

Catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror on way out of the bedroom. I forgot to comb my hair after my shower! Hair is now dry. This is not going to be a good hair day. Grab a brush and rake it through the silvery mop. It’s getting later.

How did this happen?

Hey! I forgot to put my oatmeal in a bowl! Oh my God, now I’m really late! Dump the porridge in a bowl. I forgot to fill my water bottle! Now I’m in a frenzy.

I had my shoes on. But I can’t go into a client’s house with wet shoes. I need my boots. Tuck shoes under arm. Water bottle, too. Sling backpack over shoulder. Grab my bowl of oatmeal. Run downstairs, slip on my boots.

Wait. It’s 2 below. I need my gloves on. Put stuff down. Put on gloves. Pick stuff up. Open front door. Step outside. Can’t reach door to close it. Cold air pouring into house. I’m officially really frickin’ late now. Should make two trips. No time. Gotta go!

Reach for the door.


Bowl of oatmeal falls out of my gloved hand. Perfect 180. Lands contents down. On entry way floor.

There goes breakfast.

My oatmeal is my morning coffee. I’m in deep trouble.

Family springs to action. Poor Stephen wakes up with a start. Kathy flies out of the bathroom. Paper towels. More towels. Plastic bag. I pick up most of the mess. They handle the rest and shoo me out the door. I shuffle through the snow to the garage.

Get in the car at 5:45. 6 AM appointment in Lake Forest. I have at least a half hour drive, especially considering the weather.

Welcome 2015! I always enjoy a serene return to the weekday routine after a leisurely holiday season.

I let my client know I’m hopelessly late.

He could care less.

Just returning from vacation, he is miserable, recovering from the worst flu of his life.

Makes the trauma of my morning much less important.

The week begins.


4 Responses to The Morning From Hell. All Before 6 AM. Semi-unedited.

  1. Reblogged this on The Vast and Inscrutable Imponderabilities of Life and commented:
    This made me laugh. If you need a good laugh about mornings gone wrong, you might enjoy this.


  2. […] like yesterday’s “immediate action” required with the oatmeal crisis, this situation called for immediate action. This was real water loss. A real crisis. Cats will […]


  3. […] again. Way too many things to carry to the car (will I ever learn? I think you know the answer), oatmeal firmly in hand until I had one foot out the door and reached back to close the door. Shades of Monday! Once again, […]


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